Nanny's Knitting and Stuff

Out with the old...

2010-12-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

or so they say!

Yet another year has ended and I feel that I have achieved little in the time that has passed. I have sewn a few garments and bags but my knitting has been on hold for a while as I have been experiencing a lot of pain in my hands and wrists.

Depression grabbed hold of me in the latter part of the Summer and lasted throughout the Autumn. The accompanying lethargy and despair exacerbates the symptoms of M.E, unfortunately, so I was not a very useful member of the human race. Each morning involved a concious decision to take part in life, albeit on a very basic level...sadly, a process I am still following each day with varying degrees of success.

The children will be back at school soon, My Man will be back at work (I love being able to say that!) and my world will return to the routine that I require to function. Boring, mundane and oh, so uneventful! Hopefully!

This year has seen me change. I managed to refrain from allowing my mother to manipulate me over the festive season, for the first time in over 40 years. I am inspired to forge ahead and continue to be the person that I want to be, not that which others consider I should.

So...out with the old...and may next year bring Happiness, Peace and Love to all!

A deep breath...

2010-10-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

and here we go again.

I didn't realise how long it has been since I last wrote anything here. So many projects completed and no record of them, how remiss of me! I have promised myself that I will do better in future.

This week sees the near completion of a *whispers* sewing project. A winter pinafore dress in grey fabric, to be worn with a baggy cardi, biker boots, woolly tights and a disregard for the dictates of Fashion.

Warm and comfy seems a good idea right now, the sky is grey and the house has a chilly air about it. The cats are curled up together on the sofa and its difficult to see where one ends and the other begins. All is quiet and peaceful, with the ticking of the clock and gentle snores of the dog punctuating the afternoon's progress.

The countdown, however, has begun. One and a half hours until school ends and the rampaging hoards descend once more. I shall hide in the kitchen and make the dinner. Teenboy#2 has requested Banoffee Pie and Teenboy needs roast potatoes so I'd better look out my pinny and get started!

Bleak Holiday Monday.

2009-08-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Bank Holiday Monday, the 31st of August.

Six years ago my beloved sixteen year old son left the house in the early hours of the morning, while the family slept.

I went to church, as usual, thinking that he was out for a walk or to get cigarettes; he was a typical teen and didn't always remember to tell me where he was going,although it was unusual for him to be up and about so early.

My husband later called me from the church service to tell me that my son was dead, his body found at the foot of the cliffs, broken and lifeless.

Time stood still for a moment; my heart broke. My life, as it had been, ended. It took just three words. The hardest words that My Man has ever uttered. There is no deeper grief than that felt at the death of your child. No greater loss. A piece of me is missing, gone forever. Torn from me in that moment, leaving a scar that never heals.

I see echoes of him in his younger brother. The way his fingers curl as he dunks his bread in his soup...the cheeky, sideways grin that he gives me when he knows he is 'pushing his luck'. It is at once comforting and heartbreaking.

I mourn him each day. I am haunted by regrets and guilt. I failed him!
I tried. I did all I knew how, but I failed. I will carry this with me until my physical life ends, until then I will remain a shadow of the mother I wanted to be, drifting through life. Merely existing.

Peace be with you, son. I miss you!

Expectations ...and disappointments.

2009-08-29T00:08:00.000-07:00

I have a 'difficult' relationship with my mother. It is, in fact, practically non-existent as she is what could truthfully be termed 'toxic'.

Earlier in the year I had reason to lend her money. I was the only family member in a position to do so and I could see no way around it. I had a feeling it would cause me trouble and I was right!

I lent the money on the agreement that it was paid once her loan came through. She then decided not to go ahead with the loan as she didn't want a debt hanging over her. Of course, owing money to me isn't a debt, for some unfathomable reason!

I had to ask her for repayment. I want to get my own finances on as even a keel as I can manage before we, as a family, become reliant on state benefits. I gave her plenty of notice but had to repeat the request this week.

She asked for an itemised bill so that she could check exactly what she was paying for, disputing amounts in the passive-aggressive style that I am so familiar with, stating her poor 'financial position' etc, etc.
Her attitude reduced me to tears, yet again. Thanks for the support, Mum!!

I try, as a mother, to support my children...to comfort them despite my own situation. Their needs come before mine and always will. I can't do it any other way. . I don't want to. I chose to bring them into this world and take that responsibility seriously.

But then again...we are talking about the woman who didn't speak to me for six weeks following the death of my son..because she considered that i had 'blanked her' at his funeral. She was late(!!) and sat at the back - I was concentrating on following my son's coffin without falling over in despair...I didn't see her!

I expect her to be toxic....now I need to deal with the disappointment more effectively. Forty five years of practice and I still find it difficult.

Does anyone have a good remedy for puffy eyelids??

How much yarn??...

2009-08-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

In the light of our current situation I thought I'd check out my yarn stash...just to see how serious the diet was going to be.

With visions of a yarn desert before me, I opened the craft cupboard. Firstly my comfort yarn, my 'blankie' as it were......did I have enough to knit my own socks this year, or were my feet going to be condemned to suffer the chill of a British winter??

Panic over!! The yarn stash revealed that frostbite and chillblains were not to be my fate, despite my concerns to the contrary.....I stopped counting once I'd reached enough for twenty pairs. I refuse to admit that I could, possibly, have enough yarn put by to knit more than that number...

Comforted, I tackled the sweater weight yarns.

With a sigh of relief I realised that I could happily knit a few (notice how vague that quantity is??) of my favourite vintage patterns before needing to restock.

There is also enough laceweight yarn for one or two projects...

So, all in all, the zombie plan is in place. I will be able to knit for a while. Hoorah!!

Now, back to more mundane matters.

Will I be able to feed the children??

Calling the Job Fairy...

2009-08-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

If anyone spots the Job Fairy going about her business could they please send her our way?
My Man has been made redundant! He left school at 17 and has never been out of work; has never 'signed on' or claimed benefits. Sadly, he is in for a shock, I fear.

I have lived/struggled as a single parent on benefit. It was not a nice period in my personal history . However, I am at least prepared and have some useful experience that should help us survive.

He has applied for a few jobs already and has a positive attitude, looking into working closer to home to cut down on travelling time. Less money but more time with the family. That has to be good, doesn't it?

'We will be ok!'.....that is my mantra for the time being. We have each other and I can weather anything with him to shield me. He is an excellent husband and a superb father who will do anything in his power to support his family. I need to stay well enough now to support him while he searches for work and enters the rather soul destroying benefits system.

But..at least we do have a benefits system and the NHS. Things could be a whole lot worse! We have a home and each other. It may be a struggle but we will get through it, I'm sure. It's not the first time that I have been battered by life..... and probably not the last, either.

Sunshine at last.

2009-05-07T02:52:00.000-07:00

Here comes the sun...is winter really over?
I am seriously considering a lamp for next winter - I'm sure I must be affected by S.A.D.
The sun has peeked around the clouds and we have had a few lovely summer-bright days lately. I have sat in the park after school while the children have expended their energy in the playground. It has been wonderful to be warm and surrounded by light with the evidence of new growth all around.
I feel the urge to dig out the tent and sleeping bags but the nights are still a little too chilly for the sprogs (that's my excuse and I am sticking to it!). Soon, though.
The backyard has gone mad, with huge weeds waving in the breeze and suffocating the few brave tulips that have dared to appear. My task for today is to do battle with the dandelions...wish me luck!

Isn't winter over yet?

2009-03-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

This winter has been a particularly bad one for me. The cold, damp weather has affected the M.E badly and I have been unable to knit for some time now. I have spent most of my time flat out on the sofa, gathering enough energy to do the 'school run' and collect the children. I am asleep by the time my husband gets in from work and am really neither use nor ornament at the moment.
I'm hoping that things will improve with the arrival of the warmer weather - sunshine usually improves my mood, if not my level of pain.

Was that the door...?

2009-01-19T03:25:00.000-08:00

Yet another day spent awaiting a delivery! I find it so frustrating, hanging around the house, constantly listening for the knock on the door only for the van to arrive while I'm out on the school run.

Today (should) see the delivery of our new dishwasher. The old one gave up the ghost some time ago and we have been waiting for the sales, in hope of a bargain. There is a gaping hole in the run of kitchen units awaiting its arrival.
I find that washing up takes a fairly large part of my energy, particularly if I'm having a bit of a 'baking day'.....it is so much nicer to be able to hide the dirty bowls and utensils away and get them all clean in one go, rather than having to stop and wash up because I'm running out of room or need to use the sink for something else.
Hopefully it will arrive soon and I can get on with my day....I have so much I'd like to achieve and very little energy today, definitely not enough to waste on twitching the curtains every time a vehicle stops outside. Mind you, its the perfect excuse to plonk myself on the sofa and knit...after all, I wouldn't possibly be able to hear the doorknocker from anywhere else in the house, would I?

A return to normal service.

2009-01-05T05:12:00.001-08:00

Well, thank heavens for that! With a sigh of relief and joy in my heart I packed the other half off to work (through the snow, no less!) and took the children to school. Peace reigns once more.

It was lovely having them at home and we had lots of fun but I do find it hard to cope without my routine. I need regular rest periods interspersed with short bursts of activity in order to get through the day, achieving all that I need to. This just does not happen when the house is full of folk getting in my way.

It is freezing cold here today and we awoke to a couple of inches of snow. Nothing unusual, you may think - it is January, after all! However, we just don't really 'do' snow. Even if the rest of the country has closed down due to a few inches of the white stuff and My Man has spent all morning getting halfway to work before rail services cease and he has to turn around again. This tail end of the country always seems to miss most of the snowfall. Living by the coast may have something to do with it...salt in the air, my Gran used to say. The snow never hangs around for long, melting quickly into horrible grey slush that makes your feet cold and wet. The cold wind stays, unfortunately....chapping lips and chilling faces. Yuck!

I intend to hibernate once the children are home. One more foray out today to collect them from school and then there will be hot chocolate and biscuits in front of the fire, with a few of the cuddles that I have missed. Dinner is cooking...mmm, lamb stew and dumplings... and the house is warm. What more could I wish for?

Count to ten..

2008-12-08T03:15:00.000-08:00

The school Christmas Fair is now over, Santa's Grotto is packed away for another year and I've just about regained the use of my legs after sitting in the same position for two and a half hours whilst facepainting.
I miss most of the fun as the facepainting takes place in a classroom off the main corridor, away from the hall. I and my fellow PFA mum spend the entire time painting designs onto little faces (mostly butterflies this year - with the occasional spiderman and tiger to stop us from going completely mad!) and hoping that the feeling is going to return to our knees before we need to stand up again.
I usually enjoy the activity. It can be stressful, looking up for a moment and realising that the classroom is packed with children and parents..all watching what you are doing...but the children are usually very well behaved and pleased with the result. Its so nice to see their smiles. Most parents accept that there will be a queue and wait patiently, chatting to friends.
Except one.
One with a very loud voice.
One who declared that she could've painted all her children's faces in the time they had been waiting in the line.
One who finally managed to persuade her offspring that they'd be better off spending the money on sweets...
It was a very difficult situation to find myself in. The fair was organised by volunteers - to raise money for the school, in order to provide a few items for the children that would make their time in school more interesting and fun. We all worked very hard and most parents appreciate the effort we put into such events. I was very close to 'presenting' the One with a set of face paints and telling her exactly what I thought of her attitude! However, I had to remember that I was a representative of the school and surrounded by children and so would have to bite my tongue. Soooo not my default setting! I will try and feel sorry for the fact that the joy of Christmas has passed her by....and hope that her children manage to find some from somewhere.

So who's gonna make the ark?

2008-12-04T02:07:00.000-08:00

The rain is lashing down today. I got soaked during the dash from car to school entrance and haven't warmed up since. It's dark and gloomy and I feel thoroughly miserable.

The school Christmas Fair is all planned for Saturday afternoon and I have a few hours of face-painting to look forward to. Friday afternoon will be spent assembling the grotto for Father Christmas' visit and dashing about setting up stalls and games with my fellow PFA members. Plenty of coffee and slight hysteria will be the order of the day, methinks!

I planned to spend today baking..cakes for the fair and mince pies for the freezer...but I'm finding myself very short of enthusiasm, wishing that I could bury myself beneath the duvet and emerge once the weather has improved. The constant damp affects my joints and the aches and pains that accompany my M.E are exacerbated, dragging my mood into the depths of gloom, doom and despondency.

The gifts need to be wrapped, the baking is waiting and I know I have several days of very draining activity ahead. There is so much to do and my 'batteries' are low. A little sunshine would help - until then ...soup is required - butternut squash with ginger and chilli that will warm me from the inside.

'Tis the season...

2008-12-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

The Pink Princess is bounding about the place, reminding all who will listen that her birthday is approaching. She was due to arrive on Christmas Eve, but with her usual impatience decided that she'd hung around for quite long enough and was born two weeks early by emergency C-section. Since her arrival I feel that its not really Christmas until after her birthday...but there are things I need to get done in order to be ready in time. The problem I have is gathering the energy and impetus to start my Christmas preparations. I have a touch of the 'Bah humbug!'s this year. The in-laws are due to visit soon. They combine their pre-Christmas visit with their Pink Princess' birthday visit and so arrive a fortnight before Christmas and stay for the weekend. This means that I have to have their gifts ready, as well as those for other members of the family that live at their end of the country...each year I am found wrapping stuff frantically while they are tapping their toes, ready to depart.

This year will be different (each year I promise myself the same thing!)....I am almost done with gift shopping and I have completed a large part of my gift knitting. Just some size 12 socks for BIL (and my husband's sweater) left to do. Oh, and all the washing and blocking of the things I have managed to complete. It's do-able. Honest!

However, I have started the mincemeat for the mince pies. I make a no-added sugar version as my beautiful Pink Princess is an insulin dependant diabetic. This mincemeat is as good as any I've tasted, with the natural sweetness of the dried fruit and a hint of brandy. It doesn't keep for long but can be frozen and I've made enough for MIL and a friend whose newly diagnosed son is encountering his first festive season as a diabetic. Its not easy when they are surrounded by seasonal advertising and displays of huge tins of chocolates and sweeties. Sometimes life sucks!

One more for luck.

2008-11-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

I don't know why vintage knitting patterns fascinate me so much, particularly those of the 1940's. It may be the link with my beloved Grandmother. Or the respect I feel for the generation of women who held things together on the homefront during the war years - I don't know if I would have coped too well in their place.

I have several knitting books of the period. Each one is full of patterns for every member of the family, from underwear to dresses and even women's suits. There are handy hints for 'make do and mend' that may become more relevant as I strive to become more eco-friendly and less extravagant.

Here is another set of cami-knickers knit from one of these 1940's pattern books. As the weather worsens and the temperature drops they are looking more and more attractive. Woollen handknits, hot chocolate and a good film - my idea of heaven as the snow starts to fall outside and the wind howls down the chimney.

My Granny would be so proud!

2008-11-18T07:39:00.001-08:00

My beloved Grandmother was always concerned that we should make sure our vests were properly tucked in, to prevent us from 'getting a chill'. I must admit that as I've got older I have got more aware of draughts and the effects of the cold on my creaky joints. While thumbing through my collection of vintage knitting books I spotted the solution to the chilly gap betwixt vest and knicks - the handknitted camiknickers!

I used some 100% wool, baby 3ply, achieved the correct 'stitch per inch' count and dived in. The yarn was a little splitty but blocked beautifully and was sooo soft.

I originally knitted these as a bit of fun, to see if I was capable of some of the sort of knitting that would have been second nature to my wonderful Gran. As the nights become chillier and the days drift into the dark and dreary grey of winter, these soft pink clouds of warmth are looking more and more attractive. A sign of age? Or the thought of a credit crunch season ahead!

..and some knitting, too.

2008-11-17T10:17:00.000-08:00

My Revontuli or Northern Lights shawl has finished blocking and I'm dead chuffed with the result.

I used Kauni Effektgarn in a wonderful mix of greens and browns so it reminds me of an October walk in the woods. The colours in real life are so vibrant - this photo does not do it justice, at all - but being as impatient as usual I couldn't wait for my new camera to arrive. Hopefully, once it does appear and I figure out how to use it, the quality of the photography should improve.

No holding of breath, though! I am a notorious Luddite - technology and I are not exactly best buddies and I tend to leave stuff like that to My Man ....or The Boy (who, at the age of six, is far more au fait with computers etc than I could ever hope to be). I can shop, though...and I feel the need for a different colourway of Kauni. Purples, perhaps. Or blues? Now where did I put my cards...

Kittens and glue..

2008-11-17T08:17:00.000-08:00

The Eldest and his lovely wife have adopted an adorable kitten..named Bernard.

Bernard has this rather unusual name due to The Eldest's somewhat warped sense of humour and love of all things Blackadder. He is a sleek, black bundle of mischief and lots of fun.

My visit to see the grand-kitty cheered me up at least following my discovery that some little angel had smeared my car's rear winscreen with what appeared to be PVA glue. Lovely!
It took me half an hour to scrape it all off and I may be responsible for the expansion of the vocabulary of several passersby!
I have one thought for the culprits ...have you heard of 'Karma'? Huh?

Tie a rope around my middle - I'm going in...

2008-11-15T06:16:00.000-08:00

I've been knitting for a long time and reading other people's blogs for the last few years. Sitting at the computer I have often thought "I could do that...", so here goes - one technophobe with a penchant for knitting enters the blogosphere. Anything, or nothing, could happen.
Now all I have to do is wrestle the Teenboy for possession of the camera and learn to a). take a photo and b). post it on here and I will be able to stop boring the family by waving my FOs under their unappreciative noses. I can bore you instead. Fabulous!