Expectations ...and disappointments.

I have a 'difficult' relationship with my mother. It is, in fact, practically non-existent as she is what could truthfully be termed 'toxic'.

Earlier in the year I had reason to lend her money. I was the only family member in a position to do so and I could see no way around it. I had a feeling it would cause me trouble and I was right!

I lent the money on the agreement that it was paid once her loan came through. She then decided not to go ahead with the loan as she didn't want a debt hanging over her. Of course, owing money to me isn't a debt, for some unfathomable reason!

I had to ask her for repayment. I want to get my own finances on as even a keel as I can manage before we, as a family, become reliant on state benefits. I gave her plenty of notice but had to repeat the request this week.

She asked for an itemised bill so that she could check exactly what she was paying for, disputing amounts in the passive-aggressive style that I am so familiar with, stating her poor 'financial position' etc, etc.
Her attitude reduced me to tears, yet again. Thanks for the support, Mum!!

I try, as a mother, to support my children...to comfort them despite my own situation. Their needs come before mine and always will. I can't do it any other way. . I don't want to. I chose to bring them into this world and take that responsibility seriously.

But then again...we are talking about the woman who didn't speak to me for six weeks following the death of my son..because she considered that i had 'blanked her' at his funeral. She was late(!!) and sat at the back - I was concentrating on following my son's coffin without falling over in despair...I didn't see her!

I expect her to be toxic....now I need to deal with the disappointment more effectively. Forty five years of practice and I still find it difficult.

Does anyone have a good remedy for puffy eyelids??